Life advice from Bartimaeus, an ancient djiin

My reading companion this month has been Jonathan Strouds’, The Amulet of Samarkand, the book that had been sitting on my shelf for a long while. This month I finally picked it up and devoured it. It was a whirlwind of page turning magical adventure, best enjoyed from the comforts of ones home, and never should one dare to step into that world incase one might find themselves in the Tower of London or worse, Heddlehem Hall. While Nathaniel’s character elicited a lot of empathy, it was Bartimaeus’s wit and sarcasm that truly stole the spotlight for me. I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to summon Bartimaeus in our own world. Despite his insults and general criticism for humans, I would very much like to have a word with him. A five thousand year old djinn would definitely have something of importance to say. And right now I could do well with some out of the world advice on life. I will be back with some incense, candles, and a chalk to draw the pentacle.

Ten minutes later…

Bartimaeus:

May I ask who is this pathetic untrained magician who has summoned me?

Me:

Er sorry …… I was …. I was just wanting to meet N’gorso the mighty, serpent of the silver plumes, builder of the walls of Uruk, the friend of Solomon…

Bartimaeus interrupted:

No need to flatter me so, although you are right about all those things…Tell me why have you summoned me.

Me:

I.. I read your story in the Amulet of Samarkand and liked your parts in it.. I mean your role… sorry I mean it was a real part not a role. What I meant to say is that I enjoyed reading your part of the story and thought you had great wisdom hidden under your sarcasm. I thought perhaps I could get some advice on life from you.

Bartimaeus:

Ah, you have called upon my illustrious self for advice? I am impressed with my own being, in fact, utterly pleased. It seems you possess some social etiquette if not the same degree of magical skill as young Nathanial, who, as you might have read, once summoned me for stealing an amulet and many other distasteful tasks, and he, I must say was extremely arrogant about it. While I am undeniably proficient in any job, I must say I did not enjoy those jobs, this one however, I find to be fairly respectable one. You must be truly desperate to go through all this amatuer-magic trouble to summon me for mere advice.

Well, Well, let’s see what have I got in my wise old brain.

First off, let me tell you, life’s a wild ride, full of unexpected twists and turns. Some paths are full of magic, others you may find are full of explosions. Most humans, I’ve noticed, lack the finesse and wit to handle the explosive bits. But you see, troubles are like grumpy imps. Give ’em a good laugh, and they might just decide bothering you isn’t worth their time. Following this advice may not turn you into a mighty djinn like me, but it will help you rise above your ordinary existence. But don’t you get all big head with your existence. Remember that you are just a tiny speck in the vast universe, I’d say almost insignificant, you can’t even perceive anything beyond your own plane. But you humans have got this thing called conscience, thing that is easily lost. Perhaps, finding and using that inner voice (and I will be surprised if you humans can pull it off), might help you conjure up a bit of magic along the way.

Bartimaeus stops there with a smirk on his face while I absorbed it all with wide eyed astonishment. I thought I’d pass on this wisdom to whoever may chance upon this corner of the internet.